(00:01):

Hi, I'm Corinne. After a lifetime of obesity being bullied for being the fattest kid in the class and losing and gaining weight like it was my job, I finally got my shit together and I lost 100 pounds each week. I'll teach you no bullshit weight loss advice you can use to overcome your battle with weight. I keep it simple. You'll learn how to quit eating and thinking like an asshole. You stop that and weight loss becomes easy. My goal is to help you lose weight the way you want to live your life. If you are ready to figure out weight loss, then let's go. Hello, everybody. I have a special treat for you today. Inside my membership, I have weight loss coaches and they work with my members. And I recently did an interview with Coach Lizzie for her podcast, and I thought it would be great for you to get to know her and listen in. 

(00:53):

Our members love Lizzie, and honestly, so do I. She is one of our coaches who just, I don't know, she brings it every day. She's got positive energy and she's actually one of our coaches who specializes in getting shit done even when it's hard. So in her podcast, this is what we talked about. We talked about what was different for me the last time I lost weight. So it's a little unique perspective that I don't think you've ever gotten in this podcast about what were the things that were different for me as I was losing weight. And then we talked about the one thing that gets in the way when smart women know what to do, but they actually have a hard time doing those things. We talked about the four reasons why we eat and why emotional eating is that thing that really trips most of us up when we're trying to lose weight. And then we kind of talked about some specific steps like action steps for anybody who suffers with perfectionism and people pleasing. So I hope you enjoy and let us know if you loved this podcast. Have a good week. 

(02:02):

Hello everyone, and welcome back. Today is a special day in the life of the Confident Body Podcast. It is the 100th episode of the podcast. And to celebrate today, I have a very special guest, someone who has had such a positive impact on so many people, including me, helping women lose weight and feel as amazing as they deserve the one and only Corinne Crabtree. Corinne, thank you so much for being here. 

(02:29):

I'm thrilled. I was so glad you asked me as one of our highly respected and sought after coaches. Oh, thank you. Well, you're honestly, we get a lot of good feedback on you, and I know that you typically have inside our membership, we have that ask coaches feature and you're like, someone people request. So 

(02:52):

Wow. Thank you. I so appreciate that. 

(02:54):

Yeah. 

(02:54):

Well, I want to dive right in. It's funny, I was talking to a client not too long ago, and so many of us, she had a similar story of I've been trying to lose weight, I've gained it, lost it, gained it, lost it, and so forth. And you've been really open about your story of when you were young, you were overweight as a child, tried so many different things to lose it and gain it. And so I asked this client, okay, what do you think was different for Corinne the last time she lost weight? And I thought to myself, I was like, well, I have my ideas. If I were to boil it down to these three things, it's the email, but it's like, why don't I ask you? So what was different for you the last time you lost weight? 

(03:35):

I mean, there was a lot of things that ended up adding up, but I think the biggest one is when I first started, and I don't know if this is true for everyone, but I had to stop being in a hurry. It's a weird thing to say, and it also depends on when you've asked me every time. The way the human brain works is when you try to remember something, it pretty much remembers what it thinks is really important at that stage in your life. And I think right now, it being 50, when it looks back, I think one of the things that it is trying to tell me is like, all right, you weren't in a hurry, so let's not be in such a hurry for everything now. And it wasn't like I just sat back and was like, oh, I got all the time in the world to lose weight. It was more of I recognized that my past diets, I had tried to do things that basically would rip weight off fast, but they wouldn't last very long. And so when I started this time, I just told myself we got to go slow. I knew one of my biggest problems. Are we allowed to cuss on your podcast or 

(04:45):

No? Yeah, go for it. 

(04:46):

Okay. I just wanted to ask because sometimes I do podcasts, they're like, no cussing. I can go no cussing, or I can go all cussing. I also can go in the gray. But I remember one of my biggest thoughts was, you can't afford to do anything where you're going to fuck up real easily. 

(05:05):

And that was like, I knew I had such a honest, but also compassionate conversation with myself. It was like I knew I had tried so many things that were really hard that required a 180 change in your lifestyle and all this other stuff. And as desperate as I was to lose weight, I was more desperate to not have to ever do it again. I just really wanted to lose the weight and keep it off this time. And that framed a whole new approach. So I think for me it was like, how do we just do small things that you know can do and you lower the risk of making mistakes so that I knew for me in the very beginning, if I could make as little mistakes as possible, then I wouldn't be setting myself up to feel like such a failure or to beat myself up. 

(06:01):

So I kept things really small and doable, but they also weren't going to rip weight off. So I just had to make a trade, and I was like, I am very willing to go slower and to do things in the beginning that I can do to see what happens. That doesn't mean I was mistake free, but I think the major benefit of doing it really small was that if I messed something up tiny, that meant the fix was going to be tiny too. So it was real easy for me to try again when the fix was, let's say I gave up carbs, that's a big fix. When you mess it up, it's like a big fail. It's like, oh my God, I ate all the pizza tonight. Now I feel terrible. And the fix tomorrow is you got to cut all the carbs again and you're going to have to start all over on feeling like crap. 

(06:54):

And then that would seem insurmountable. But if I had said Tonight, you are going to not eat ice cream out of the carton, and the worst that I did was put it all in a big bowl, but no, that you're still overeating. You're just not eating it out of the carton that I could handle, that I could move through the next day, that I could level up, even if I went back and had one spoonful, I could recover from that. So I just kept things small and I was like, we're not going to be trying to do this in a hurry because a hurry has never worked for you. 

(07:34):

I thought it was interesting when you said you were more desperate for it to be the last time than for it to be fast. And that takes a lot of perspective. I think that especially in our lives today, everything is fast. We have to wait for hardly anything. And so I mean, that's an impressive perspective to just be like, it doesn't matter how long it takes, I want it to be the last time. 

(07:59):

Yeah. I think it's deciding which pain do you want the most, 

(08:02):

Right. 

(08:04):

For me, I'd rather have the pain of it going slower than the pain of doing it over and over again. 

(08:09):

Yeah. Well, when I was asking my client this question, and I thought to myself, I was like, okay, well, how would I answer that? What did Corinne do differently the last time? And I came up with three things, which you alluded to in your answer, which was you changed the way you talk to yourself, no more, all or nothing thinking it's got to be baby steps, and you allowed little actions to be good enough as opposed to, well, that's not good enough. But I want to take those back to that first one of how did you figure out how to talk to yourself differently? How did you figure out how to say no? Just putting it into the ice cream into a bowl is a good enough step right now. When your brain wanted to say, that's not good enough, it's never going to work. How did you do that? 

(08:54):

I don't know that I had a process. I literally, I think it always amazes people that I did not read self-help back in the day, I was not exposed to this world at all. It just made sense to me for some reason, this time it was like, I think I had just sat around, well, I'll say this, the year before I tried to lose weight this last time I was so miserable. I mean depressed. I had just had a baby. I was probably in postpartum. I never got diagnosed, but I'm sure that if I'd went to a doctor, they would've been like, oh my God, we've got to help you. You are miserable. But I think it made sense to me that the way I was living and the way I was talking to myself was killing me, literally killing me. And when I started, I just remember so many times thinking, oh my gosh, every time you talk like this, you end up quitting or you end up eating and stuff. 

(10:01):

It was like I knew what the result of that was going to be. For some reason, it just jumped out like a sore thumb to me back in the day that this type of talking has never worked. Sometimes I think what we do is we think that harsh talk motivates us, and this time when I looked at it, I don't think I told the story that my harsh self-talk was motivating me. I think it was crystal clear, this is anything but motivating. This is always forcing me to feel terrible, and the more terrible I feel, I notice I eat when I feel terrible. So it was almost like there was this click in my head of, you can't afford to only talk to yourself this way. So when I would hear it, I think that's the hardest part when people are trying to change their self-talk is they think they're going to get someone to tell them, well, let's talk to ourselves this way. 

(10:56):

Then that's how it's going to be in your brain from that moment on. Self-talk is not like learning math. We're not going to learn our multiplication tables, and it's like, oh, well, I know what the, I've memorized the twos, so I'll never forget those again, so I'll never have to worry about not knowing what two times two is. That is not the way self-talk works. It is not learning something functional. It is a reprogramming of how your brain offers its thoughts to you. So it takes time. So the hardest part for most people is understanding that voice never stops for a long time. What it does is you have to get really good at catching it and being like, oh my gosh, here I am thinking that again. It's like, no, that's never worked. It's this constant almost when I say arguing with yourself, we're not arguing like a of little kids now. You're not. You stop that. It's not like that. It's more of being on a debate stage and trying to convince an audience that this is what we believe. And so every day you're debating with yourself over, does slow actually add up is not good enough? Is this really not good enough or is sitting around doing nothing not good enough? It's a constant debating of how you naturally think, and then eventually you make enough good arguments, you sway your audience and your audience is you. 

(12:31):

Right? It's funny how you talk about something switching in your head. I remember, I don't remember the date, but I remember a moment. My negative self-talk always shows up at three in the morning. It's loud and proud at 3:00 AM and I just was in such the habit of just shameful, you didn't do this. You're never going to do that. It was every day, and I was getting bored with this, but I believed it. It was all very, very true in my brain. And finally I just got so fed up with myself that I said to myself at three in the morning, would you just shut up? And it was like a wake up moment, which of course it was interesting given that it's three in the morning. I was like, I could talk back to this voice. It was for the first time that it didn't feel like it was me. It was a thought. It didn't have to be true. And over time, it became so clear to me how if you want any chance of having a proactive positive thought is you got to do it on purpose. Because as you've discussed many times, if you leave your brain to its default thinking, it's going to find the negative thought, it's going to find the problem. That's what brains do. And it just was like, oh, I got to do this on purpose. Okay. Okay. Yeah, 

(13:50):

I think that's a good point because this is the other thing about changing your own. You have to really look at what you respond best to. For me, I like straight talk. I like the bottom line. It's got to be common sense. So even with me, sometimes I'll be thinking something just random and dumb and just like I'll just go like, oh my gosh, that is some bullshit right there. And that is just enough. I don't even have to try to believe something new. I can just call something bullshit. Sometimes you can just say, I have a friend who says I refuse to talk to myself that way. To her, she imagines herself as someone who just has high standards for herself, and when her brain wants to act all gutter, we're just, she's like, no, we have standards for how we talk to ourselves and this isn't it. This clearly doesn't match. So we're just not doing that. Everybody. And then there's also people who really need the compassion or they need the reasoning. I have another friend who is very intellectual, so just telling herself to stop or just saying, this is bullshit or whatever will never work for her, 

(15:12):

That 

(15:12):

Always feels offensive to her. What she needs is to break it down in her head. This is why this doesn't make sense. So you just got to look at your personality and it'll be how you respond to the world, how you talk to other people, how you would want to be talked to that will give you really good insight on how you need to talk to yourself. 

(15:35):

Right. That's a great point. Yeah, self-compassion was huge for me. I want to switch gears a little bit, and so often people will say, I know what to do. I just have a hard time actually doing it. I even had a client tell me recently, I want to be the kind of person who does the things. And that is so common that, I mean, obviously diet devices everywhere, we know what to do. If you were to able to boil it down, what is it that's getting in the way of so many smart women out there who know what to do, but they're not doing it? What's getting in the way? 

(16:12):

I think the number one thing, honestly, is we think that wanting to do something means we're motivated or feeling good about it. 

(16:21):

Most 

(16:22):

People do not realize that doing something has nothing to do with whether or not you want to 

(16:33):

Say 

(16:33):

More about that. It just doesn't. So let's say we both have a kid and they have a shitty diaper and you don't want to, I do not want to change this. What do you do? Do you be like, well, I got to sit around and figure out how to get excited about this. I'm just so unmotivated. No one sits around and tries to solve the problem of how to get excited about a shitty diaper, but we will do that over here. In other things, we're owed excitement. 

(17:07):

The vast majority of the stuff we do every day, no one ever wants to do any of it. Just think about it. I love you to death. I do, and I agreed to do this a few days ago, not before. I'm getting on here. I'm just like, Ugh, I don't want to do this. I'm hot. Literally, I'm just, when I came home before I was just fanning my armpits and I was sitting there thinking, I just want to go stand in front of my freezer for a little bit. The only thing I want to do was anything but click the call. But we do things all the time whether we want to or not. So when people say, I want to be the person who does things, I say, I'm going to do, that means you have to become, the person does things whether you want to or not. That's the price of admission. You have to really get into that because as someone who's done a lot in their life, if I just watch myself during the day, there is so little I actually want to do. I want to go to bed at night that I'm excited for. 

(18:15):

I'm already thinking about when's five o'clock getting here? Short of that, the rest of the day is filled with things that you said you would do and you're going to show up and you're going to make it through. There's now, if you want to be the kind of person who actually does things that you say you're going to do, you also have to understand why you're going to do them anyway. So I do a lot of work every day. Today is an interesting day for me. I am on calls almost all day long for a thousand different things, like a podcast interview, being in the membership, doing a q and a, and then I'm getting ready to teach a business class and do a sales call there. And then I'm switching gears and doing a big old weight loss webinar to try to sell our weight loss membership. So all these different things. And this morning my first thought was like, there is a lot to do today. I really don't want to. And I had to write about why all these things are important 

(19:17):

And why I was going to be showing up anyway. And I had to tell myself, because there's a couple, I could have just canceled you honestly. I'm your boss. You, I mean, you would've had your feelings hurt, but I mean, technically I could have writing about why this is important. I was like, Lizzie works really hard for us. She doesn't ask for much. You just gifted us this amazing meal plan guy that our members don't even know they're getting yet. All these, I wrote down my reasons. Then that was enough to make me dread it, but do it anyway. So I hate to be a downer, but when people ask, I'm just like, let's just tell the truth to be someone who does things because this is going to get me here. You've got to be able to dread it and do it anyway. You've got to be able to talk yourself into shit. You've got to be able to not expect everything to feel exciting and motivating. Then when it is exciting and motivating, great. But the beautiful thing that happens is the dread, the not wanting to becomes a little blip. 

(20:29):

Most 

(20:30):

People that cave to that, it's big, but if you get good at understanding the reason why you'll do things anyway, releasing the need to feel good about it, then you just have you get into the habit of overriding that part of you. 

(20:47):

I feel 

(20:47):

Like, yeah, go ahead. 

(20:49):

An analogy for this is, so my husband had two kids and my husband was in the military, and when our first was born, he was home. And so there was the who's going to get up with the baby in the night question, and obviously you're tired when you have your first baby and boy, didn't our first baby rock my world. 

(21:07):

Me too. Yeah. It 

(21:10):

Always amazes me. Anyone ever has more than one. Yeah. So anyway, we're laying in bed and the baby's crying and I'm like, damn it, would he get up and just take like, oh, it's his turn. It's like, so I'm having the resentment with our second child. He was deployed when she was born. I had her by myself, and I mean, family was around, but when the baby cried at night, it was like, there's no question who's getting up. And so it was like, okay, it's me. No drama. And it's like the difference between am I opening up myself to, should I do it? Do I want to? And then the resentment of I'm going to do it, but I don't like it, and then it's not fair versus just get up, let's just go. And that's the difference, I think. Yeah. 

(21:52):

Yeah. That's the way I do exercise. When I lost my weight, one of the things I really wanted to do was I just wanted to be an athlete. I did my athlete phase where I did races and things, and now I just lift weights and stuff, but I still dread working out almost every day. And it's not that when I get there, man, I'm just like, my ass jams are on having a good time. I get my workouts done. But on the way, even if I'm, I will message my best friend and bitch the whole way there. I've got these projects, I really don't have time. You know what? I hate them afternoon workouts. I'm just like all the way. And then I always say, but I'm doing it. I am going in because I know fundamentally that it's almost like I've just kind of adapted that as part of my process. And this actually came from my mentor. She hates working out. I don't hate it. I actually, I really do working out, but most days my brain throws up a fit because it always thinks there's something more important that we could be doing. 

(23:04):

And I don't train for anything other than just me anymore. Back when I trained for races, 

(23:10):

I had something built in that made me not have all this trauma. Now I'm just like, you know what? Every day my brain complains. It acts like this is the worst thing ever. You expect it. And also, yeah, I do expect it, and I'm just like, whatever. And a lot of times I'll just bitch to her because it feels better to get it out than to just sit there and think about it. And then when I go though, I always am remembering part of the conversation has changed. It's like, oh, I've got all these things to do. But I know once I get started, I almost always surprise myself. 

(23:45):

Or 

(23:45):

Once I get started, I kind of get into it. Or a lot of times I'll tell, I even will tell her sometimes. I also know that if I get started and I really don't want to, and I really have more important things to do, I know I can cut it short if I need to. I know I can walk in the door, do a few things, and if it's not clicking, I just leave. No harm, no foul. That makes it a lot easier. But I think at the root level of it, it's this false expectation that we all have that to do things that are important. We are owed feeling like it. You are not owed feeling like it. In fact, most things that are going to change your life, improve your life or be good for you are not things you're going to want to do. 

(24:35):

Yeah. I love how you said at the root level of it, and I want to segue into, recently you did a webinar and you were talking about the future of weight loss and the future of no BS is really you want to get into the root cause of overeating and what is the root cause that leads to us overeating in our life? And I loved how you broke it down to there's four reasons why we eat. There's our physical needs, there's habit eating, there's mindless eating, and then there's emotional eating and there's a fix for each of those. But emotional eating is the one that just derails so many of us because we just find ourselves sort of going against our best intentions. What would you say to somebody who's like, I'm just an emotional eater. I don't know how to stop Corin help. How would you address that? 

(25:28):

Yeah, I think the first thing is you have to, it's funny, that was pretty much the class I just taught also inside the membership, the deeper level. But the first real step is really knowing that all humans are emotional eaters. I think a lot of women carry a heavy weighted shame blanket around with them, and when they talk about their emotional eating, they're like in, Ugh, 

(25:55):

It's so bad. I'm so wrong for doing it. 

(25:57):

Yes. And all emotional eating comes from really good reasons. So one of the things that we're teaching inside the membership is there's these nine major reasons and almost all emotion. I have yet to find anything outside of the nine that are the reasons why we eat. But these are the nine major reasons we emotionally eat to our detriment. But emotional eating also encompasses eating for happiness and pleasure. So we always have to remember when it comes to first defining it is that not all emotional eating is bad. 

(26:37):

We 

(26:37):

Don't want food to just be fuel. It has an important role in our life. It's when emotional eating goes awry, when we use it as the only way to get our feeling like most of our feelings met or our needs and things like that. So the first thing I would tell people is it's easier to attack emotional eating when you don't think there's something wrong with you because of it. So if you can just remember that all humans emotionally eat, and for all of us that are using food to comfort, to eat in secret, to feel like we're in control of something, to relax, to make up for loneliness or whatever, it started for a good reason. 

(27:31):

It 

(27:31):

Didn't start because something's wrong with you. And I think the other thing that always helps people with this too, is understanding that every human starts as an emotional eater. So when you come out of the womb, when you're upset, you cry because that is the only way you know how to communicate. And then you're almost always fed first. You're offered food first to solve the problem. So as infants, there's two things we learned from this. Food will fix anything that's wrong because even if a baby is sitting in a shitty diaper and you feed it first, they'll probably eat and feel better, even though they were crying about that shitty diaper. It's not like they push the food away and be like, no, no, no. 

(28:24):

My diaper isn't that interesting metaphor for our lives now that we're sitting in our shitty diaper and we use food to make it feel better temporarily. How 

(28:31):

Interesting. Yes, yes. And so the other thing that triggers in our brain that becomes a lifelong lesson is whether you were formula fed or breastfed, that milk feels good and it sets something off in your brain to soothe you. That's its job is to soothe you. Because babies don't have a way to soothe. They have no reasoning skills. They don't understand things. So the brain is hardwired to figure these things out. So you learn from a very early age that if all else fails, eat something. And I think it helps people to understand like, oh, I am not broken. Every human in the world learned food can fix something if nothing else will. Now when we know that we can stop beating ourselves up. And when you stop the beating up part, then what happens is it just now becomes figuring out your unique reason why you're emotionally eating. What flavor of emotional eating are you doing that every flavor has unique questions or unique things that we can ask that will say, here's the missing need that you really have, or Here's what your body's really wanting, or Here's what your mind really needs in these moments. And we figure that out. Then we go to the next step. It's like, okay, then how do we start giving ourselves that stuff? 

(30:07):

Okay, I just probably have already thought of this, but I just thought of a book, like a resource. I was thinking like, okay, Corinne, let's say I've let go of the shame. I realized it's normal to be an emotional eater now. And then you began to explain that, well, you've got the nine reasons, and if we just figure out what's the reason? And I was like, we could create a playbook of like, are you eating for emotional reason number one, here's the questions to ask and here's how you handle it emotional. Reason number two, let's do it. Let's make a booklet. Let's make a resource. 

(30:37):

Yes. Well, what I was going to say is we're getting ready to rewrite the entire No BS course. So we just added some bonus lessons for our members, which starts talking about some of this stuff starting in August for our members, and then in January we're releasing this whole new course. And so that I think would be a great resource for them because we are going to be diving deep into the nine reasons. The rewrite of this course is going to go really deep. So I think we definitely could, I mean, it's a brilliant idea to create. This is how we disseminate all of it. 

(31:14):

Well, you started it. It was your idea first, but thank you very much. I'll receive that. Okay. So two things that often come up a lot are perfectionism or people pleasing and I don't know, they're probably intertwined and so forth, but if someone came to you as a client and was like, I am a super perfectionist and I people please all over the place, Corrine Fix Me. How would you go about addressing that? 

(31:45):

Well, I think so they are intertwined, but I would probably pull them apart and just work on them separately. Mainly because I think when you're trying to figure out something that you're doing that you could be feeling like the unintended consequences of people pleasers have a great heart, usually some of the most generous and kind people ever. But what we want to do is we want to pull 'em apart. Because if you're a people pleaser because you're also afraid of not doing things perfectly and you're trying to work on 'em both at the same time, you're likely to fizzle out real fast. So I would pull them apart. And the first thing on perfectionism, the thing that I would mainly tell people to do, this is a cheat, but I would read John KO's book, finish. 

(32:38):

It is a really book that addresses perfectionism, and he is, we call him an honorary no BS woman. He's got several books. He's come inside of our membership and spoke, and I've been on his podcast, he's been on mine. He's a great guy, hilarious. But he writes well, but he actually tackles the problem in such a good way. So for anyone listening, I would probably order his book and I would read it, but I would work on it. Just read it and try the things he talks about and tell yourself. One of his favorite concepts in there is what's called the Day After Perfect. Perfectionists are so desperate to get everything and they don't realize. The first thing you have to realize is that is an impossible task. No matter what you do, you never can get everything. So we can strive to do things, but we have to have a relationship with ourselves on the day after. Perfect. 

(33:40):

So 

(33:40):

That's when the streak ends, or the first time you make a mistake, really figuring out who you're going to be in that moment. Are you going to be a jerk to yourself or you're going to be compassionate and understanding, figuring out who you are going to be to yourself in that moment, plus what you're going to do next is everything. To me, that's part of the key, big key to unlocking perfectionism, because over time, if you're nicer to yourself and you're figuring out what's going on and you're able to keep taking action the person you want to be, eventually you just become a different person. It's not even so much that you do it all right anymore. It's like you really have unlocked the secret cheat code to success, which is never quit. That's really the only cheat code there is to anybody who achieves any goal, is the people who achieve goals didn't quit. When it got hard, they didn't quit the moment a streak ended. They didn't care about streaks. They cared more about continuing on. They 

(34:47):

Didn't quit when they felt like they failed. They're like, all right, let's reframe this. How do I keep 

(34:52):

Going? Or even if I know people who can feel like a failure and just say, until I can quit talking to myself like a jerk, I just don't quit. I just keep going. Anything with people pleasers, it's a little different because with people pleasers, we have to figure out what it is you're most afraid of. Usually a people pleaser is very afraid of what someone will think of them if they say no. 

(35:19):

They 

(35:19):

Have a lot of societal conditioning going on. They watch their mother be a people pleaser, so they don't even really understand that there's any other way to operate in the world other than taking care of everyone. There's a lot of things that come along with people pleasing, especially for women. 

(35:36):

So it's just one of those things though, where with people pleasing, if I was going to give somebody one thing they can do about people pleasing, it would be first is to make a list of everything you're currently saying yes to, and what on that list could you say no to if you weren't afraid of disappointing someone or upsetting someone, because that is now the list of things you really don't have to do. That is the list of things that you are doing out of fear, not because you have to, but people pleasers convince themselves. There a list will be a list of, well, I have to do this. I have to do this. I have to. There's no way I could ever not bake the cookies on PTO night, even though I work like five jobs. If you weren't worried about what they would think about you not contributing, you probably could say no quite easily. 

(36:32):

So 

(36:32):

I think that first, just to be able to show you, oh, even if you don't make a change, just knowing you have more control or agency than you're giving yourself credit for, it's kind of like that first baby step towards like, huh, maybe I need to rethink some of these things 

(36:52):

Along those lines of maybe I need to rethink some of these things. One thing that was really powerful to me as I got into life coaching was coached myself, was realizing that I had a default practice of taking more ownership over other people's feelings than was realistic, was actually I was giving myself way more power than was real, but I was also like, it must be my fault if someone's upset or I need to fix it. And I was just over owning all over the place, and once I was like, they're responsible for their feelings, I'm responsible for my feelings. If I've screwed up, I apologize. But they're still responsible for their feelings. I was like, it just cleared up so much. I was like, wow, I don't have to take care of someone else's feelings. That's their job. That was a big difference for 

(37:38):

Me. Also, I think too, I think a lot of people pleasers are worried about other people being disappointed, and I'm like, that's called life. 

(37:46):

Yeah. 

(37:48):

You're never going to do everything in such a way where no one's ever going to be disappointed, and I really understand that. So for me, if I'm going to tell someone no, or I'm not going to do something, cause I have to tell people no a lot. Now I'm finally at that stage. I couldn't people please if it would kill me, I'd have to quit. I just couldn't do it. I get tons of people asking me for stuff all the time, and I have to say no a lot. I have to say no more than I can even say yes these days. So what I realized is, yeah, people are disappointed and it's okay if I feel bad that they're disappointed too. I understand. I think sometimes we think it's like, well, I just need to not give a shit. 

(38:37):

I mean, you can do that, and sometimes if somebody's being ridiculous with their disappointment, then I'm like, look, that's on them. This was not that big a deal, and I am not going to, I understand why they're disappointed, but I also, I do not feel that bad about it. But then there's sometimes when I have to tell people no, and I'm like, I know they're disappointed. And this is hard for me too because I know as coaches, we rarely say this, but I take ownership sometimes. I am disappointing other people. I recently had a group of friends that I love them, still love them to death. We're all still friends, but we had a group for a long time, and I've been meeting with them for seven years, six years, something like that. And this was the year where I really decided I'm saying no to more things. I want to be home more. I don't want to be traveling. There's just a lot of reasons. And when I told them that I was leaving the group, I cried like a baby. They cried like a baby, 

(39:47):

And they were like, are you sure? And all this other stuff. And I knew all the way leading up that we were all going to be really sad, and I just told myself, yeah, everyone's going to be disappointed. Even you in the moment, you're going to miss them. And I was just like, but we'll all get over it. I know we will, but I was fine with taking the ownership that I was about to disappoint people. I stayed in that group for over a year, and every single time I was having to say no to other things. I was mainly myself. I was dreading going. It was just so many things. I was just like, I don't want to, I've got to decide, do I want to be disappointed, disappointing them, or do I want to be seriously every single time disappointed myself and spending time somewhere where I'm not even being honest when I'm in the room, I'm saying I want to be there and I'm literally, I don't want to be there. 

(40:53):

Well, in a way, you can bring that back to what it means to be an no BS woman is you can make a choice, a difficult one, but you like your reasons. 

(41:03):

Yes, 

(41:04):

You're in charge of your choices and just like your reasons. Yeah. 

(41:07):

Yeah. And I think the thing is I loved my reasons, but I did not love making the decision. I did not love telling them. I knew I was going to love it in the long run, but in the short run, it was not going to be love. That was never my reasons. Were just like, but don't forget how important. I'm like, shut up. We're sad right now. That's not helping. That's right. You can come back in a month or two from now, 

(41:40):

Corinne, I have about 50 more questions, and I'm sure we could talk all day, but of course I want to be respectful for your time. Is there anything that I forgot to ask or anything that you'd like to add? 

(41:52):

No, it was great. You covered a lot of ground. We covered emotional eating, people pleasing perfectionism in our next interview, weight loss things. We don't jam a lot in a short segment 

(42:10):

That goes into productivity and then perfectionism and so forth, so we can get into that next time. 

(42:16):

Okay. 

(42:16):

Yeah. Well, thank you so much. I really appreciate it. It's been a ton of fun and just thank you for everything that you do. 

(42:23):

Oh, you're welcome. Thank you for being an outstanding coach. 

(42:26):

I 

(42:26):

Appreciate 

(42:26):

It. Thanks. 

(42:27):

Thank you so much for listening today. Make sure you head on over to no bs freecourse.com and sign up for my free weight loss training on what you need to know to start losing your weight right now. You'll also find lots of notes and resources from our past podcasts help you lose your weight without all the bullshit diet advice. I'll see you next week.